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The Beginning |
First some general suggestions:
- If you are being abused, tell someone. I
know how difficult it is to feel like you can trust anyone, but try to find
someone. If they don't believe you or can't help you, tell someone else and keep telling until you find someone who will help. Some of you may be in a situation that feels too dangerous to tell, but pray about it and ask God to lead you to a person you can trust and who has the ability to help. Don't assume that no-one cares or that you are not worth helping if the first person you tell doesn't respond the way you would like them to. And don't assume no-one will believe you. Some people are just not in a position to help. They may not know what to do. They may be afraid or they may not be emotionally healthy enough to be able to take that step. They may be in denial. But those reasons don't mean you can't get the help you need. There are people who can help you. You just need to find them. You may feel too emotionally drained to look, but it is not only worth it, it is necessary.
- If you are the friend, family member, pastor or other person (Helper) someone chooses to tell don't turn them away. You may feel inadequate but think about how this person feels. They took a big risk and an important step by telling you. Don't let your fear shoot them down. You may not have a lot of knowledge about the issue but you have something special that this person saw in you that gave them what they needed to reach out. You have been entrusted with something very special. This persons confidence. You can feel honored. You CAN help! Make some phone calls. Get on the internet. Contact a church. Get informed. A great place to start is with the counseling department at Focus On the Family 1-800 AFAMILY (1-800-232-6459) or your local Family Services.
- There is nothing that has been done to you or
that you have done or been forced to do that you cannot heal from. NOTHING! It may be a long difficult road and you may not believe you have what it takes but I am proof it is possible and I am offering you this proof as HOPE that it can be done. No matter what you have been through, no matter how sick, perverted or violent, you are worth the journey. Your experience may be so awful it's hard for you to believe, but, I believe you. My heart aches for you. I truly understand your pain. I know you can walk through this to the other side even if you don't believe you can.
- Don't compare your abuse to anyone else's. Don't
minimize it. Your experience is what it is and you need to deal with it. If you are someone's Helper don't minimize what they are telling you because other things you have heard sound worse. People are traumatized by very different things. Try not to judge. Just love them.
Helpers: Sometimes people who have lived through abuse can be very challenging to love. They can be very needy and the recovery process can go on for what seems like forever. Make sure while your helping them you take care of yourself as well. That might mean learning some healthy limits or knowing when to take a break. It will not help either of you if you don't learn these skills and the relationship dissolves because you burnout.
- If you are an abuser and your reading this do 2 things. GET HELP and read on. Having some empathy for the person you are abusing couldn't hurt and reading on might provide an understanding of the injured party. Although from what I understand one of your problems is not being able to relate to peoples pain. While you probably feel like society has no use for you, God does not throw people away. You need to take responsibility for your actions and stop hurting the people ( I say people because abuse hurts more than just the victim.) you are inflicting pain on. Learning why you do what you do might be a start. Whatever it takes, do what you have to do. Stop inflicting more pain. If you are involved in pornography, please visit: www.xxxchurch.com.
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