The first and most important thing I would suggest is to always pray and seek the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. Since every person is unique there is not one thing that will work for everyone. Only God knows the needs of us all, so ask Him for His advice. He is after all the Wonderful Counselor. (Isaiah 9:6)

   Almost everyone who has been abused struggles with self worth issues. Some worry a lot about what people think about them, but usually their most crucial problem is what they think about themselves. The lies they have been fed frequently mirror what they believe God feels about them. They may know without a doubt that God loves people unconditionally. Everyone that is, except them. While it is the Holy Spirits job to convince them of how much He loves them, you can help. Loving them as unconditionally as you can is very important and can not be underestimated. Focus on things that help make someone feel welcome. Include them in conversations. Call them during the week. One of the things I hear frequently is, "I want to know I matter all the time not just on Sundays".  They want to know they are worth thinking about. That people are concerned about them and praying for them. Don't assume they know . TELL them! Wounded people can be emotionally needy which can make the challenge difficult, but you don't have to do it alone. The fact that you have an entire church family at your side is a great advantage. Assign someone to send a card and someone else to make a phone call once a week. If the person misses church or a planned activity, tell them "I missed you at the potluck".  Don't demand an explanation of why they weren't there or put any guilt on them, just let them know they were missed.

   One in 3 women and I don't know how many men have been abused, so if you have a large church I would like to suggest (Be sure you pray about it first.) a group of empathetic people who would befriend a person who needs this kind of attention. They could take turns meeting special needs ensuring that no one gets burned out. They would need patience compassion and a nonjudgmental attitude. Pray the Holy Spirit will make the groups motives pure and guard against gossip. Be sure that they keep things in confidence and be honest. Most abused people have been lied to enough. If you make a mistake tell them and apologize. This ministry may take time and learned skills but I can tell you from experience that it is one of the best contributions you can make to the Kingdom of God and will give you a huge return on your effort. Most healed people are willing testimonies to the goodness of God in their lives and make eager Fishers of men. A word about being nonjudgmental. It requires great humility and meekness. It is not your job to figure out all the relationship questions that will come up. It is your job to love them. The Bible says, "Love your neighbor as yourself".  Matt.5:43 "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." John 15:12, John 15: 13, Matt 5:44-4, 1Cor 13:13, 1Tim 1:5,  Heb 13:1, 1Pet 2:17, 1Pet 4:8, 2Pet 1:7, 1John 4:12, 1John 3:18 and 1John 4:21 stress the importance of love as well. Have I made my point? We are the Family of God. We are called to love each other even if it's difficult. It takes practice. Don't get discouraged. In all reality some people can sometimes be inconsiderate, selfish, manipulative and demanding. No one said it would be easy. Remember to encourage each other as you walk the journey with these people and don't be afraid to set healthy boundaries.

Here are some suggestions of things not to say to abused people.

• That's in the past. Why keep bringing it up?
• Can't you just let go?
• Stop thinking about it. The Bible says to think on things that are good.
• What did you do to cause this to happen? Or, why didn't you stop it? Why can't you hurry up and get over this? Paul said to forget the past and move on toward the future.
• Your not forgiving. You have to forgive if you want God to help you.
• You have to quit feeling sorry for yourself.
• There is a time when the injured person must forgive and put the past behind them. Let me repeat that. There is a time when the injured person must forgive and put the past behind them, but that is a process that takes time and admonishing them too soon can be very hurtful and destructive. Besides love the most precious thing you can give them is time to let God walk them through the healing process.
• Disassociate Identity Disorder is NOT demon possession. It may be a difficult concept to grasp, but I have seen possession and I have experienced DID and I know there is a difference. It is painful and counterproductive to suggest to someone with DID that they are possessed. PLEASE, don't judge or condemn someone just because you do not understand them. Romans 8:1 says "There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus". So, do your best to lead them to Jesus and let Him do the judging.